Improving outcomes for your teen
Are you concerned that your teenager is not receiving an elite high school education to prepare him/her for their future and miss out on the American Dream? Or that even with an elite high school and college education your teenager will end up living in your basement for years due to lack of ambition or an inability to flourish in the REAL world? If so, you may want to consider introducing yourself and your teenager to The Marketing of You, a book I created promoting character development for today's teenage population. In reading, understanding and implementing the strategies recommended, the teenager, with the support of his/her parent/parents/mentor will increase their probability of touching the American Dream.
I realize you may be questioning my credentials in making the above recommendations. So in regard to my parenting experience, I have parented 4 children, 2 born when I was in my 20’s, and 2 born when I was in my 40’s. As stated in my book, I learned more from them than they learned from me. One of my enlightenments is that parenting is a fluid endeavor with many twists and turns. My 2 older children (both daughters) were born in the 1970's and were victims of divorce . They lived with their Mom and stepdad on a full time basis and they were in my care on Wednesday evening and every other weekend. My 2 younger children were born in 1984 (daughter) and 1991 (son) to my second wife and we lived as a family with my older daughters remaining constant participants in our family life.
Unfortunately, my daughter born in 1984, at the age of 13, was in a serious car accident, and suffered a traumatic brain injury. That event placed my entire family in a “life in transition” mode for several years, as my daughter slowly regained her ability to walk, talk and effectively interact with the world. Today, she has a career in healthcare and is flourishing as a human being.
And so like many parents, much of my parenting skills were inherited, as I mimicked the “good” experience I received from my parents as they parented me, and eliminated what I considered a “bad “ experience from their parenting (think physical abuse, verbal abuse). Also, back in the 1970’s when I was involved in parenting my 2 older children, Dr Spock continued to be a “go to” resource as well as “Children The Challenge” which introduced the philosophy that children need to understand that there are consequences to their behavior. There was not much in the literature at that time addressing children's fears or adverse childhood experiences. Essentially, parenting skills were passed down from generation to generation, maintaining cultural traditions , with some adjustment made for unique circumstances.
But no matter what parenting skills were effective over the past 50 years, it’s far more important for parents of today's teenagers to be effective in the 21st century. And as we are approaching the end of the first quarter of this century, when our institutions, be it government, education, religion, college, professional sports and family structure are being marginalized as fame, fortune, celebrity, selfies, TikTok and artificial intelligence have taken over the zeitgeist, parents and teenagers need a “go to” resource.
So rather than present what I learned during my 22 years of parenting teenagers, which all occurred before smartphones, I prefer to reference The Marketing of You book/program where you will be introduced to the core principles of Failing Well, Fighting For Others, Thinking For Yourself , Living in the Moment and Earning Everything as well as Developing Grit (Physically, Emotionally, Intellectually, Financially). The Marketing of You also introduces your teenager to the soft skills of Decision Making, Critical Thinking, Emotional Intelligence, Negotiating, Conversational, Financial Literacy, Social Media Management and Leadership.
Plugging the 'Pipeline to Prison'
More than two decades ago, I began teaching Thresholds (a program designed to improve decision making) among soon to be paroled inmates at the Howard Young Correctional Institution in Wilmington, Delaware. The program introduces a six-step process of good decision making through discussion groups of 3-5 inmates. Throughout the twelve-week program of 2-hour/week sessions, inmates learn to recognize why reactive behavior often results in negative outcomes, and conversely, how proactive decision making and goal-setting improves their probability for better outcomes.
I have encountered well over 100 inmates through this counseling experience, ages ranging from 20-60 years old. I hear their stories, see the similarities, and understand how patterned journeys from early childhood through adolescence eventually lead to their incarceration. Recanting these countless stories, inmate after inmate, experience after experience, and year after year, I realize two common themes:
- Each story relates going “off the rails” in their early teens,
- My mentorship has its most success among inmates with a child or children about to become teenagers.
In our discussions, they are “parents” not inmates. They are “tired of being in jail.” And, they are intent on ending the “pipeline to prison” legacy they’d started. This purpose – a determination to see their own teenagers don’t follow in their footsteps – in their plan for re-entry back into society can lead parent inmates to a more successful return to society!
At some point the proverbial lightbulb illuminated and I saw new potential for extending my teachings beyond these discussion groups – enabling a transference of good decision-making concepts from inmate parents to their own teens. It’s enlightening to see The Marketing of You can be more than an introduction of character development concepts to help soon to be released fathers and mothers return to society. The lessons (and book) can also serve as a resource and guide for discussions between these inmates and their own children.
Plugging the pipeline to prison can begin pre-release. Using current FaceTime-like technologies within today’s prisons, these parent inmates can use the lessons they learn during The Marketing of You sessions (and book) to initiate more meaningful conversations with their teenage children – initiating the character development process – even before they leave the confines of prison walls.
With the help of The Marketing of You, every parent can understand and employ the concepts for encouraging and establishing positive behavior patterns – having discussions positively focused on how to behave, instead of how not to behave.
